Single parent? 8 reasons you don’t need to be married
Inside: If you’re a single parent of young kids, it’s okay to stay single when your children are young if that’s your desire. Here are 8 reasons to back you up.
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When you’re single, there can be much pressure on you to date. Family and friends are always asking about your dating life. If you say “no, I’m not dating” you can see the disappointment on their face.
But especially if you have young children, you may not want to date in this phase of your life. And that’s perfectly fine.
Sure you’re missing out on having extra help around the house, but there are advantages to staying single when your children are young.
Below are eight reasons to back you up next time a well-meaning family member tries to live vicariously through you.
8 Reasons to Stay Single When Your Children are Young
So many changes happen in our children’s lives when there is a divorce.
Having a steady home without introducing new people to the mix helps add stability for your children.
My mom was a single mom. When my parents divorced when I was 14, she never introduced any men into our lives. We had a steady home with her; we always knew we were her number one priority.
Related: When a Married Mom Says She Feels Like a Single Mom…
You’re already doing all the things. Being a single mom is completely overwhelming.
Single moms are 100% responsible for all the chores, finances, school activities, household malfunctions, car malfunctions, running the kids around, helping with homework (even the part you don’t understand), the yard work, the list seriously never ends.
Add a sickness in there and it becomes impossible.
It can seem like a good idea to have a man around. But it’s one more thing on your plate. One more thing emotionally to distract you from the kids.
The fact is, our kids need us to be present more than we can be there. We can’t do it all. But the less we have in the way of our kids, the easier it is.
Loneliness is a reason many choose to date. But as this article explains loneliness is typical for all humans – single and married. Rushing into relationships to relieve isolation isn’t the answer.
Instead, spend this time getting to know yourself. You’ve changed.
Whenever you add one person to your family unit, it changes the mix.
It doesn’t matter if this person is a grandparent along for a vacation or a new partner. The whole family dynamic changes. The way each person relates to each other naturally changes. Sometimes this is for the better.
But the fact that your bond will change is a factor to be evaluated.
Related: How to Co-Parent with Grace
Staying single when your children are young enforces for your children that they are the number one priority at this time. You are their safe zone.
Dating takes a lot of emotional energy.
Energy that could be redirected into all-the-things.
Things like running the house, kids, finances and the never-ending list of “single-mom life.” By the end of the day, I have very little emotional energy left for the kid who still won’t fall asleep.
It may be healthier to stay single after a divorce.
We’ve all heard that it’s healthier for men to be married but what about women?
A study from the Journal of Women’s Health shows the positive effects on women after their divorce compared to when they were married. Of course, take that with a grain of salt as the women in the study were obviously not in a good marriage the first time.
However, it does show us the importance of this life decision. Are you and your children ready for you to put in all the time, energy and work required?
Some women don’t feel that longing for someone else right now.
We dream of doing things with our kids and accomplishing dreams.
This can be especially true if you’ve recently come out of a draining relationship. Perhaps God has temporarily removed that desire for you right now to allow you to concentrate and enjoy your children.
God’s timing is perfect. Not right now doesn’t mean “no” forever.
My favorite part of every day is the last 2 hours before sleep. My kids and I lay in my bed and talk about the day, say prayers, or sometimes read for the whole 2 hours.
We have been doing this for seven years, and the kids haven’t outgrown it. And I’ve had some seriously trying times with them.
But at the end of the day, even if they aren’t speaking to me, this where they end up. Whenever I think of the future, all I know is I don’t want to disrupt this dynamic.
This time is fleeting, and they will tell me when it’s time to let go.
Other Perspectives on Dating
This is the last of a 7 part collaborative series with other Single Mom Bloggers. Check out what they have to say about dating as a single mom.
Jennifer, you have an interesting perspective. I did date when my kids were young, but most of the time it was when they were with their dad. I am not sure how I would have handled dating had I not been in a co-parenting situation.
I can really appreciate this message. I’ve chosen ME for over 7yrs out of the 10yrs I’ve been a mother. It’s definitely non-negotiable for me to sacrifice time spent with my kids to be with a man when my kids are totally dependent. But I will admit that it definitely was draining and even more sleep deprived as I used to go out in the night once I put my kids to sleep…and naturally that was my time to be a sleep as well! -_-
I LOVE that you have that bond/traditional quality time with your children. It’s so beautiful!!! Pure awesome mothering!!!
Awe, thanks so much for the kind words!! It’s so nice to hear from others who have chosen the same!
My babies, now 5 and 8, sleep in my King Sized Bed with me every night they are home. There may be 1 or all 3 dogs curled up with us too. I love this time before bed. We read books. The oldest gets cuddles or a backrub or a dance with Mom or just girl talk about her day. The youngest still has me “walk her with my legs”, which means I carry her around to music in the dark while she curls her head up in the crook of my neck. It is my favorite part of the day, cause it signals another day we did together. We got thru it together. Maybe we made some good memories. Or maybe we had a rough night and argued. But we always end the night with I love you no matter what. And I don’t want to give that time up for a man. I want my babies sleeping close to me, where I can hear the light snore or take a foot to the face, cause there are so many last times that have already passed. Last time giving a bottle, last time feeding them from a spoon, last time taking a bubble bath together. And there will be a last time I get to walk my baby to music til she falls asleep. My 8 year old will someday wander across the room and fall asleep reading in her own bed and all of a sudden decide thats where she wants to sleep. But I don’t want to push them out or force them to let go. They didn’t get to make decisions, 4 years ago when Mom and Dad split, so I will let them decide when it’s time to let go a little of Mommy. I am in no hurry for that. God let me hold them tight a little longer. I never know when that last time will be. I already miss the time they are at Dad’s and I don’t want to miss a minute of the time now. I want them close enough I can reach over and wipe the hair back from their faces, kiss their foreheads, or feel their tiny hearts beating. Am I lonely? Yes, I am. Would it be amazing to have a partner to just hold me when I am sick or tired or frustrated? Absolutely. But right now, I just want to hold tight to my girls. Because before I know it, they will be young women. And they will let go all on their own.
☝️ this! Your kids will remember how you held them close and how you loved them above everything else. What a blessing you are momma ❤️
Yes i am rasing my. Daughter alone . iam a single mom.
Yes I don’t plan on being in a relationship again and if that does happen it would be well after my kids have settled into their own lives and do not need me as much as before, but as for now there is nothing a man can offer me and my children and it gives me a ton a peace that is don’t have to worry if they are a potential predator
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