Single moms don’t have to live a lonely life. Here are six of the best ways to overcome loneliness for single moms everywhere.
If there’s one thing that single moms have in common, it is loneliness.
As married moms complain about their husbands and say they “feel like a single mom,” we scoff because we know what’s like to have an utterly silent house and no one to ask for advice or to lean on for financial security.
But single parenthood doesn’t have to equal loneliness.
There are ways to be a single mom and live a full life free of loneliness.
Ways to Beat Being Lonely as Single Mom
Who are you looking to fill your loneliness?
Most humans look for another person to fill the empty feeling.
Sadly, we’ll never quit looking because we will never find fulfillment in another human being.
We can all name marriages that are lonely. Perhaps your last relationship was one.
God created us for a relationship with Him. He put that feeling inside of you so he alone could fill it.
We will go the rest of our lives looking for things and other flawed humans to fill that void, all the while the King of the Universe waits for us.
How Do You Let God Fill Your Emptiness?
- Like any relationship, you have to invest time. You have to talk to God, and you have to listen. Is your relationship with God your first and most important priority?
- Read God’s word. We have access to the Word from God, who created us and knows everything about us. Yet many of us rarely read what He says about us. Reading other books and commentary about the Bible is helpful, but nothing replaces the Bible. If you’re struggling, try listening to the Bible using the YouVersion App. You can choose the Message version, so it reads more like a story.
- Spend time with others who seek God. Going to church can be difficult as a single parent, but it’s also where you can find the most healing.
The biggest reason we feel lonely is comparison. One reason for this is the false perception we have of other’s lives. It appears as if everyone but us goes home each night to a full and happy home.
Social media certainly isn’t our friend when it comes to shaping our perceptions.
Who would post the most shameful and depressing parts of their lives? I’m guessing not you. If we all did, then no one would be on social media.
Most of us have two viewpoints on social media. It’s our entertainment, or we think of it as our enemy.
Instead, we can use Facebook or Instagram with a purpose. Log on to check on something and resist the temptation to scroll and compare.
If you can’t resist, then try a hiatus.
No one will do this hard work for you. Change begins within you. As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of Joy.”
Stay Busy When Kids are Away
An easy trap for single moms to fall into loneliness is when the kids go to their dad’s for the weekend.
After a full week of chaos between work and little ones to take care of when the house falls quiet, it can become too much to bear.
One question I hear repeatedly is, “What do I do when the kids are away at their dad’s? I find myself just sitting around depressed.”
This feeling of despair usually hits the hardest when a separation is in its early stages.
- Save chores throughout the week and do them on the weekends you’re alone. This allows more time to spend with your kids when they’re home with you and gives you some purpose when they’re gone.
- Get a membership to a gym or take a class that you normally can’t do because of your kids. The first steps may be hard if you have to go by yourself, but eventually, you may find yourself with a new hobby that you’ll look forward to.
When our kids are little, we all wish we just had a couple of hours alone. Suddenly as a single parent, we find ourselves with whole days alone.
- Think back to what you wished you could’ve done during those times. Things like…
- Sleep in
- A long bath
- Read a book uninterrupted
- Freezer cook a month’s worth of meals
- Have coffee with a friend
- Explore a trail with your dog
- Try going to a movie by yourself
What fulfills you?
Chances are you’ve lost a bit of yourself between motherhood, marriage, divorce, and single-motherhood.
If I asked you what your hobbies are, would you stare at me blankly?
Rediscovering your passions as a single mom is a healthy and fun phase of your life.
You can start using these journal prompts when you download the Single Mom Survival Pack below 👇
Know your triggers
Do you know your triggers? Your triggers are the things that make you feel sad
and lonely. What sucks the energy out of you?
Maybe its watching romantic movies, looking at old pictures on your phone or
scrolling on social media. It could be a certain person.
Pay attention to what triggers these feelings in you and avoid those
activities. Instead, redirect your mind to other positive actions.
Acknowledge Friendships Are Different
Understand friendships as an adult is different than friendships as children.
When we were kids, we went to school every day that forced us to hang out with the same people over and over.
Now, as adults, that consistency isn’t there. Consistency is one of 3 keys of friendships, as explained by Shasta Nelson in her book, “Friendships don’t just happen.”
As adults, we have to create consistency. Whether you join a mom’s group, attend a workout group, a church service, or small group, the key is going somewhere with others at the same time with the same people over and over to form relationships.
Just Begin – Overcoming Loneliness
The above strategies will help you overcome loneliness if you stick with it. You may have to revisit them often.
But the hardest part is starting.
It can be easy to stay in our loneliness and complain.
Instead, decide today to make a change. Take the next step to beat the loneliness.