How to Talk on a Date You When You’re Shy

Inside: If you’re ready to start dating but you’re worried about what you’ll talk about or how to start because you’re introverted, these 10 tips will help you talk to guys even if you’re shy.

This is a guest post.

Whether we’re talking about dating apps or just real-life interactions, getting a guy to talk to you can be nerve-wracking. Dating is a minefield at the best of times, even when you aren’t shy.

In some ways, things are now easier since we can use publicly available data on social platforms to learn more about a potential partner before we meet them, helping us quickly connect over shared interests.

But perhaps you’ve struggled to get a man to talk to you in the past. Are you afraid that if you reach out, it just won’t work out? Well, you’re in the right place. We’ll delve into ten tips for you to get any man to talk to you!

10 Tips on How to Talk to a Guy When You’re Shy

Confidence Is Key!

First and foremost, particularly if you are shy, it’s essential to build your self-confidence. There is something naturally alluring about a woman who feels comfortable in her own skin. 

One way to build confidence may surprise you. Eat well and exercise! By eating healthy and exercising regularly, the natural endorphins released will make you feel happier, which naturally draws people to you.

Another way is to actively question any negative self-talk or doubts that may make you feel unworthy of other people’s time and attention. If it’s an issue that routinely prevents you from meeting people or attending social events, it’s crucial to address your self-esteem issues.

talk to man when shy

How to Approach a Shy Man

Sometimes it’s not you, but the man you’re into that needs help in overcoming shyness. In cases like this, you’re going to have to make the first move.

Initially, avoid super personal questions, which may make him feel uncomfortable and calm. It’s also a good idea to stick to general topics and see what interests him.

Give him room to breathe, and don’t stand overly close initially. Get his Instagram or Facebook profile information – it’s much less invasive and overwhelming than swapping numbers.

Not only does this give you a great way to stay in touch, but you can use publicly available data to find out more about him. Be prepared because you will most likely have to ask him out first, and his social profile will be a great source of date ideas based on his interests.

Go for something casual and fun that doesn’t require constant talking like a dinner date would. An activity like bowling or a fun class that allows natural conversation is ideal.

Related: How to Know If You Are in a Toxic Relationship

First impressions really do matter

Making a good first impression will always be important because people can’t help but notice how you carry yourself or the energy you exude. Being well-groomed and taking care of yourself shows that you love who you are and indicates that you’re in a good mental place.

You don’t have to dress in a specific way; after all, there’s someone for everyone. Simply dress in a way that makes you feel confident and gives him a peek into your personality.

Putting effort into the way you dress is crucial because the energy that comes from being happy and confident is magnetic, and he’ll find that very attractive. This will ultimately make him drawn to try and talk to you.

Eye contact

Sometimes men, especially those who are shy, will wait until women make the first move before approaching. So getting a man to talk to you may involve a little hinting on your part.

Keep in mind that this doesn’t have to be a grand gesture like buying a drink. For example, if you’re with friends at a bar, create a less intimidating environment by spending alone time at the drinks counter. This creates space for a man to approach you comfortably.

Give good positive eye contact. You don’t want to stare creepily at them, but about 3-4 seconds of eye contact with a friendly, inviting smile is very effective. When you’re feeling bold, you can even nod or raise your glass to them.

Related: Dating with Kids: Rules for Introducing Your New Partner to Your Children

Conversation Starters

Think about an authentic way to engage them that piques their interest and makes them want to come back for more. For example, if you’re shy and get a little tongue-tied, a great idea is to prepare some general conversation starters and some fascinating facts about yourself.

Random icebreakers are also a fun way to get the conversation flowing. Share interesting stories about yourself so that he is intrigued enough to want to learn more about you.

Engage in the conversation equally – if what he is saying doesn’t require a verbal response, then nod regularly to show that you are actively listening.

talk to man when shy

Compliment him 

Letting him know you’re into him is obviously vital. But, unless their profile is full of pictures that show they’re comfortable with their bodies, be mindful of how you compliment them on their physical appearance so that you don’t make them feel insecure.

Compliment their clothing choice, hairstyle, or mention things they do or say that is attractive to you. Maybe they have a fantastic sense of humor? Original compliments are a more personal way to express your interest while making you stand out from other potential partners.

Related: Is it time to start dating again? Here’s how to find out

Confidence and Cues

If you find it hard to talk to men, perhaps you’ve got some good dance moves that can do the talking for you? Simply being confident on the dance floor is appealing. 

Otherwise, a subtle touch like a brush of your hand on their arm or shoulder is usually a signal that you’re interested. But keep it friendly and casual! Physical cues like this make it more obvious to men that you are flirting and show that you’re interested. 

If your crush does not seem to read subtle cues well or is just being very slow to make his move, you may need to use some verbal cues. On the other hand, if you genuinely find something they’ve said or done appealing or entertaining, then smile or laugh so they know you’re enjoying spending time with them.

Stow your phone

While phones are crucial for dating, if you’re actually on a date, it’s off-putting to be constantly interrupted by the pinging of messages, let alone having to pause the conversation every time he waits for you to respond.

Set message alerts to silent and put your phone down. This helps you be more present and allows you to focus more on the other person, which can help manage your anxiety and shyness.

While on the subject, be mindful of how often you’re texting him. Some men are overwhelmed by endless messages. So although you want to text often enough to keep him interested, you don’t want to bombard him every minute of the day. This could put him off from wanting to talk to you.

Related: Dating as a Single Mom: 8 Things You Need to Know

Don’t play hard to get

This is a simple one. If you want to get a man to talk to you, don’t make it complicated. You’re either into them, or you’re not. Don’t play complex games: it confuses and frustrates them, and they will start to unnecessarily question everything you say or do. 

It’s important to let them know you want to spend time with them. Be transparent about how you feel and genuine in how you express yourself. Ask them to do the same. This creates stronger connections over time because you’re able to build trust in one another.

talk to man when shy

Take It Deeper

Small talk has its place, but your relationship won’t progress if you never get past this. If you’re not someone who easily has deeper conversations off-the-cuff, then once again, preparation is vital! 

Don’t ask what he does for a living. Instead, ask what he feels passionate about. Ask questions that require them to tell a story – what is the best meal he’s ever had? It may lead to a quirky retelling of his trip to Morocco.

Ask their advice or opinion about something. Be an active listener. It’s an important skill that makes people feel valid and seen. Answer their questions openly, which is great for keeping the conversation flowing.

Closing Remarks

Getting a man to talk to you is more about you than the man you’ve set your sights on. Work on building your confidence and manage the psychological causes behind your shyness or social anxiety.

Health professionals attest that eating healthy and regular exercise enhances mood and boosts mental well-being. Also, you can prepare talking points before meeting the man. This combats nerves and helps get the conversation going.

Once you have access to his social profiles, use publicly available data to figure out his interests and continue building a deeper connection.

Author Bio

Emily Andrews is the marketing communications specialist at RecordsFinder, an online public records search company. Communications specialist by day and community volunteer at night, she believes in compassion and defending the defenseless.

How to Talk on a Date You When You\'re Shy