How can women who’ve been hurt in the past, safely create new relationships confidently? What is the link between our relationship with God and how our confidence plays out in our human relationships?
Below is an overview of my interview with Chyna Nicole of Made New Mama. To listen to the entire interview, you can find the Grace For Single Parents Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.
Chyna introduces herself and talks of stepping into her calling. She talks of the challenge she’s faced with self-confidence.
What is confidence and how does it affect our relationships?
Chyna explains that confidence is an inner thing, not related to all the demands on our life as single parents. We must have a solid foundation through God.
Confidence is trust. And if we don’t have that trust inside of us, within ourselves, with God, then you’ll see it spill out into our relationships.
Where do we start to gain self-confidence?
Chyna explains: First we need to analyze and evaluate where the low confidence is showing up. Once we can pinpoint what’s killing the confidence and what’s the root of it, then we can get to the root of it to build it up from that point. So, if your low self-confidence was built off of fear or comparison with others, then we will use that, find the belief behind it, the narrative behind it, and then build up from there.
About the false narrative…
Confidence is really an inner game, it’s a daily choice to know who you are, know your needs, know what you’re able to provide or meet in a relationship. And so, getting that core component set before we move forward and, and making changes in our relationships is beneficial in the long run.
Challenges single moms experience when it comes to confidence:
- Fear that you’re going to go through the same thing again or fear that someone is going not going to meet your expectations.
2. Internally not trusting yourself. You don’t trust yourself to make the decision as it relates to your relationships.
3. We make it into something bigger than it is.
We make confidence such this big thing. It has to be this miraculous thing that needs to happen for things to move forward in a healthy way. No, you have to make a daily decision. And so we have to change the narrative of what we want to see confidence-wise and relationship-wise and know that it just takes a daily decision doing something once a day to even make those relationships or your confidence better.
Chyna walks us through tangible ways to build up our self-confidence. She discusses affirmations and building herself up and her relationship with God.
The biggest thing for any relationship: you need to have a solid foundational relationship with God. You have to start off your day nurturing that relationship because…you’re not going to be able to see a healthy relationship anywhere else.
I do affirmations because a lot of times we have a lot of things going through our heads as single parents. There’s so much stuff. So you want to start your day off with positive things that you say about yourself that you know about yourself, that God has said about you.
She also talks about evaluating her relationships. “I choose a relationship and I just think about how the relationship is going. How am I feeling in the relationship? And then that prompts me to reach out to them and to see how they’re doing and how they feel the relationship is going.”
“I don’t want us to get so focused on romantic relationships. Even the relationship with our children, our parents and all those other relationships play a major part in how we experience life.”
“The healthier, your immediate relationships are with your children, parents, friends, the better you set yourself up for a healthier romantic relationship as well.”
What does God want for us when it comes to our relationships?
I think God just wants us to really enjoy each other. Love each other, build each other up and encourage each other. We’ve been in a climate – I hate to keep going back to we’re in this pandemic, but it’s our reality, and it’s it created this culture of everybody standing back to their corners when God wants us really to be together, to come together, encourage each other, build each other up instead of dividing each other.
God created us to be in relationships. We just have to navigate it in a healthy way. He has to be at the center of all our relationships.
Chyna talks about self-dating. It involves being comfortable in yourself and in that space before getting comfortable with other people.
I find that a lot of women don’t feel comfortable spending time with themselves. And so we seek other relationships to fill voids or needs that they’re not meant to meet if we just take time to spend time with ourselves.
“God can connect to us a little bit better when we’re in that space of solitude.”
We should be consulting Him about everything we do with our relationships. The best way to hear him is taking that space with just you there and not the other noise. And I know for single parents, that’s tough cause my daughter does not allow me to have private space. So, you may have to take that time in your car just before you get into the house.
Where to Find Chyna:
- Blog: www.madenewmama.com
- Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenseekingconfidence
- 5 Steps To Unshakeable Confidence: https://mailchi.mp/6e51a4d37ee6/unshakeable-confidence-in-relationships
- Single Moms Guide To Confidence In Relationships: https://mailchi.mp/0c099c2da109/single-moms-guide-to-confident-relationships