How to Respond When Your Child Says They’re Gay

How should the Christian parent respond to a child that identifies as LGBTQ? Pastor Pitts explains how parents can provide a healing and helping environment for their children and how to avoid hurt and shame.

This is a guest post.

God’s Love for Everyone!

How should we respond?

God’s love is for everyone – regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation.

I know from experience that people “like me” (ex-gay) do not usually feel welcomed. I want to change that.

At the age of fourteen, I dealt with same-sex attraction.

Why, as parents, is it so hard to accept your children when they are gay/lesbian?

The truth is, we do not want our children turning out gay! If they do, we cannot beat it out of them, reject them as people, cause them to harm, or deny them human rights and opportunities in life.

I do understand this is a complicated issue, especially when it personally affects ones’ family.

It is time to face and deal with this issue. Are we better than they? No, in no way: God will always love them just as much as he loves you!

We have a powerful message from God on this issue. True love is unconditional. It is with love and encouragement that we can teach our children a more excellent way.

Many suffer in the silence of their pain because they are expecting judgment rather than healing. Some children hide out of fear, not asking for help, not asking for the things they need to heal them.

The lack of talking about homosexuality implies shame. When you already feel shame, you are sensitive to rejection, so you go around expecting it, and it does not take much for people to make you feel shameful, so you do not ask for help.

Your home should be a place of healing and helping, not hurt and shame. We need better resources for children. All that we do must be done in love and for the sake of love.

In respect of ourselves, we have no ground to condemn those who are gay/lesbian, but rather to love them and cherish hope concerning them.

So here is what I encourage you to do. Love others as Christ has loved you. Unconditional love embraces all people.

Related: Is God’s Grace for Me Too?

In the words of Martin Luther King, “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

William Lane Craig reminds us, “If you find yourself feeling glad when some affliction befalls a homosexual person or you find feelings of hatred welling up in your heart toward homosexual people, then you need to reflect long and hard on the words of Jesus.” Let him deal with judging them.

When it comes to this conversation, my goal is to help create the kinds of communities that make the LGBTQ person feel wanted in a world where so many people are so lonely.               

While I was in the lifestyle, I never labeled myself, but I was operating as a lesbian. I received a prophetic word of God that initiated my journey onto deliverance.

The Lord knew I wanted help, but I was not going to go to anyone out of fear of people treating me differently. I believe God allowed this woman of God to see what I was in because I was afraid to reach out for help. In the last relationship I was in, I made a vow unto God. I told the Lord if this does not work out, I am done! I have been lasered focus ever since.

I had to go through this so that the glory of God can be seen in and through me. God knew that once He delivered me that I would be a mouthpiece for Him. I would be unapologetic and unashamed.

Related: The Shame of Being a Single Mom in the Church

God transformed me. I am who I am by the grace of God. It is no goodness of my own, but it is by God’s grace that I am where I am today. He has allowed so many doors to be a testimony to Him and to share my story.

There is a scripture that says, “…they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony…” (Revelation 12:11). I am an overcomer!

I help others by sharing my story. I live a life of servitude, and leading by example is my most effective means of leading others. No one can tell your story better than you.

I am using my story and my experiences now to empower other women, other children, and families.

I do mentorship. There are women between the ages of eighteen to sixty that I mentor because I am approachable, non-judgmental, and easy to talk to. I am currently the first Afro-American female police chaplain for the Millville Police Department. I work with the police officers. I attend police briefings, go on ride-a-longs, community events, and council officers. I am also a lead chaplain for Memorial High School.

I make myself available to students who may not feel comfortable talking with their teachers or guidance counselors. I am also a staff chaplain for the New Jersey Department of Corrections, where I serve the correctional officers and pray with them.

I am a servant, many gifts, much responsibility. To whom much is given, much is expected! (Luke 12:48) Whatever my hands find to do, I do it with all of my might.

Related: Will God Forgive Me for My Divorce?

My passion is to help people discover their hearts and put them in the position of wholeness. I also work for social services in the Medicaid unit, constantly dealing with the public.

When you deal with ministry and community, you must have a love for people and patience. If we want to make this world a better place, it is going to have to start with love. Love is the cure. No one is beyond being helped or loved.

It is my prayer that more women and men will be encouraged to come forth and share their stories so that we can save the generations that are to come and break the cycle of silence and violence. We are God’s handiwork created in His image to do good works. (Ephesians 2:10)

Do not just be inspired by my story, but motivated, which will move you to action.

You can begin with a book that I have written, “Homosexuality is In! Heterosexuals Relax!” is a book to educate the church and heterosexuals on supporting and loving those in the LGBTQ community and helping people through sound counsel. For more information visit aleecheapitts.com

About the author:

From ex-gay to ordained minister, from welfare mother to working for social services, from a broken vessel to a useful vessel, Aleechea Pitts is a celebrated writer and Christian speaker, and she’s highly favored and blessed among women. To connect with Pastor Pitts, visit her website at aleecheapitts.com

Pastor Pitts has been a two-guest on the Grace for Single Parents Podcast. Check her out here:

How to Respond When Your Child Says They\'re Gay